A month and nine days

June 21, 2020

A month and nine days until I get rid of all unnecessary items in my life, pack up my SUV and head west. Leaving the east coast for good.

How far west? The destination is Washington State, I have a home base there.

I’ve done this drive several times over the last several years. More than any normal (not that I’m normal) person should drive coast to coast.

The previous drives were me trying to run away from my life, a life that was consumed by owning a business. A successful business, but at a price I was tired of paying.

Now, in the pandemic of 2020, I thought it was a good time to end the business and thus regain control of my life. But, that also means starting a new journey of getting to know myself.

On some levels I know myself pretty well. But there things that I don’t know, like what hobbies do I like? What do I like to do?

For years I struggled with driving anxieties, which made life tough. I could handle driving around the area in which I worked, as long as I skipped the crazy busy times and areas. But I couldn’t go on a random road trip just to explore.

I’m better now, but I still find myself clinching onto the mindset of if I don’t need to go anywhere why waste the gas? Which is a terrible mindset to have. I aim to break that.

I hope I can push past my quirky fears and grow personally. I want to get out with my camera and capture beautiful photos of interesting things and places.

That was a hobby I loved, photography. But the business — and quirky fears — took that away from me. Yes, I allowed the business to swallow whole. For the first decade I loved it — I built something from the ground up and it did very well. I was very impressed with myself — still am. What a journey!

But, as life began to fling poo and lemons at me, things started to change. I started to change. Work became work. I still loved what I was doing… I’m great at it. But it was wearing on me.

What is interesting, is during my few years of trying to run away from my professional life… the one thing I never did was close down the business. It was always still there. Waiting for me. All I had to do was return to the local area and I was earning money again. There is it.. that evil that we all need (apparently).. to earn money.

That was only reason I kept returning to the local area I was working in. That was it! Although I have a friend or two in the area, I had (have?) no social life to speak of. It was always about the ease of making money.

Which is what makes me curious about now, June 2020. I haven’t worked since April and I’m OK with it. I have one more rent payment for my apartment and then I’m broke. And for some damn reason, I’m not worried or freaking out.

And hopefully when I hit the road, in a month and nine days I won’t free out then. I hope.